Hawaii - Part II

So here's where things started to get kinda crazy:

Day 4 (nighttime) - it's Saturday night, and we've been drinking all day. Against our better judgement, K and I decided to venture out for a night on the town. First stop was the hotel veranda for a warm up act. After meeting two fine young ladies (to be continued) we headed to The Yardhouse for more drinks and (as a necessity) some damn food. We got ambushed by a bachelorette party and stickered with name tags - Fuckable Foreigner (K. Wizzle) and Tasty Tourist (yours truly). The theme of the bachelorette party was naughty teacher (pinch me). After our rendezvous we headed toThe Shack, then Mad Dog saloon where we (narrowly) avoided a fight and partook in copious shot-taking (Jaeger). . . at this point we're digging our own ditches and asking for trouble. Upon closing time we were taken by Russian girls to an after hours club named Black Jack. If this place was a math equation, it would look like this:

Black Jack = strippers + Vegas + sketchy locals + cheap booze -(our money + our camera)

At this point K. Wizzle is seeing double, maybe quadruple. He takes himself outside and decides to take a nap on a curb in a dark alley (and later hotel floor). Meanwhile, yours truly hops in a cab with the Russian girls and heads for God-knows-where. They order the cab driver (in Russian) to pull over near the beach, sprint out of the car, and begin undressing for an hour-long skinny dipping session (pinch me). With estrogen clouding the airwaves I obliged (manly disclaimer: Hawaii is warm, but not that warm after an hour in the ocean).

Day 5 - More pool & beach. Sunset dinner at Duke's. The bartender, Jesse, has 12 years of experience and might have been the best bartender ever - he was essentially reading our minds. I took a picture with a large Hawaiian man, and K. Wizzle stole 150 rubles from some Russian girls on accident (it's only like $8, so don't worry :).

Day 6 - Pool and beach, Asian girls, a strip club (to try and find the evasive lost camera), more girls, tall cans, scootering, wine and sunset, Polish girls, more wine.

Day 7 - (the one I've been waiting to share because this will go down as the best Tuesday in our lives!) The day started of with a scooter ride to Hanauma Bay for snorkeling. Then (here's where is gets good) we schedule and impromptu skydiving excursion on the North Shore. The skydiving place picks you up right from your hotel. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but this place is the gold standard for skydiving (best value, excellent staff, stunning aerials, etc.). The exciting part was K. Wizzle had never jumped before! We jumped in the van and treaded onward. "We just have to make a quick stop and pick up two more people," said the van driver. Whatever. We pull up to a hotel and lo and behold we see the same two Russian girls we hooked up with on our first night in Hawaii (talk about a small island!).

That night we celebrated our skydiving victory at Moose's with drinks a plenty. After several Bud Lights and some foosball we started scoping out the scenery at Moose's. K. Wizzle radared into to two sweethearts from Chicago - Amy and Melissa. We headed back to our hotel, ordered champagne at 2am, and had a late-night guitar session to boot! (these girls could sing everything - country, rock, you-name-it). K. took down a full length, and I stick to the MD/HJ side of things.

This night sounded the final notes of an eight day crescendo of laughs, new experiences, unforgettable memories, and the best of friends.

Catching up on Hawaii

Please forgive the belated post - K. Wizzle and I really have been in a whirlwind of activity since arriving in Hawaii on Wednesday, and we apologize to the delay. To keep things simple, and readable, I'm really just going to break this post down into days with a brief (hopefully entertaining) recap of what's going on. Long vacations, as you know, don't come around very often so we appreciate your involvement as things progress - it really is nice to be able to share with friends!

Day 1 - Impromptu ride to the airport from Alex (*cute) at 6am ~ $5. Board shorts, guitar, sandals, sunscreen ~ $60. Ordering 16 drinks on Aloha Airlines ~ 70. Arriving safely in Waikiki before lunch time ~ priceless. Cheesy credit card satires aside, we really did drink more on the plane than anyone. . . ever. Upon arrival, we stumbled to the baggage claim and then hailed a cab. As a pleasant surprise, it turns out the Moana Surfrider Hotel is stunning - it is the most established hotel on the island, and beautiful in every respect. An ancient banyan tree shades the beachfront veranda as the pool and beach umbrellas bask in sunshine. We quickly accomplished basic tasks: rented scooters (negotiated price down), purchased new board shorts, sunglasses and set up the speakers in our hotel. After dinner at Nobu (*recommended, Robert DeNiro is part owner), we meandered to Level 4 (the primary club in Waikiki). We squeezed our way in wearing sandals (somehow. despite the stringent dresscode,) and ordered a bottle of Grey Goose/VIP table. After meeting two Russian girls and drinking a baker's dozen of Redbull vodkas, we journeyed home with our company to put the night to rest (which turned out to be a scandolous 5am - yikes). Cheers to Russian girls, and Waikiki. PS - since we couldn't finish the bottle, we managed to smuggle it out in our pants (phallic, indeed) - not the most classy move, but who wants to waste vodka? After all, we were with Russians.

Day 2 - Pool, sunshine, jammers, cocktails, girls' phone numbers, more jammers. That's a pretty good recap of the day, but I will admit we passed out at 6pm and woke up at 7am due to the previous night's festivities.

Day 3 - A standout day by all accounts: First, we woke up early for an intense 7am workout (K. Wizzle really toughed it out). Justin, who we meet the day before and saw in the gym, invited us to try stand-up paddle board with him and his family (wife, two kids - Logan & Sawyer). Stand-up paddle boarding (think large surfboard with an oar) proved challenging. After jostling with the ocean swells, gravity, the wind, and our own ineptitude, we somehow managed to stand up and paddle like like a pro (many thanks to Justin's coaching). Rest of the day: 4-hour scooter adventure to Diamond Head (wow), booze cruise on the "Na Hoku" catamaran sailboat, Duke's Bar & Grill, cute girls on a pit stop from Bali/Figi, hanging out Chris from ICM (Jay Leno's agent) , dinner at Tiki's with Kyra, 6 shooter's with Mike (his 21st birthday), kicked out of two Waikiki bars within ten minutes (Moose's and O'Neill's), bottle service (again) at Level 4. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . shenanigans. More shenanigans. Chalk it up.

Day 4 - gourmet brunch at the Hyatt overlooking the beach. One of the things I like best about K. Wizzle is his genuinely kind heart. If there's one person I enjoy talking with more, it's K. He has this unprecedented knack for listening, offereing input, responding and helping - a quality one recognizes is only the best of friends. Great food aside (filet, mushroom omelette, etc), our discussion was memorable. Brunch was followed by today's beach day. In short, we met more Russians (Anna, Natasha, Sasha, and Katya), drummed up beach cocktails (against the rules, but who really cares?), connected with Aussies (Emma & Cassie - best accent ever), played water football, and relaxed in the sun.

Funny stuff: We have an imaginary vacation butler named Chatwick. He does whatever we tell him to do, and he's more than happy to do it. For example, K. Wizzle and I were laying in scortching hot sun on Day 2. We whisper, "Chatwick. . . . cloud." Chatwick then (somehow) obtains a large mest cardboard cutout of a giant cloud and holds it out to eclipse the blazing sun. Chatwick also helps with pickup lines. If we say, "Chatwick. . . girls" he proceeds to the nearest group of cute girls and delivers the funniest and most engaging pick up line ever. We don't know how he does it, but he does. . . and he's more than happy to help. It's all worthwhile to Chatwick because we eventually compensate him in crackers. That might seem strange to readers, but Chatwick really does enjoy (and appreciate) good cracker. Tomorrow, we plan to utter "Chatwick. . . upgrade" at which point he'll swiftly compile all our belongings and move them to our Penthouse suite (did I mention it has a jacuzzi on the balcony?).

Other funny stuff: "That's your boyfriend? Oh, I thought it was your kid brother." (Kurt's line). In Hawaii you will eventually encounter a fat guy wearing a speedo crossing his legs. Similar to a car wreck, you must avoid looking or possible suffer spraining an eye. On the rare occassion the speedo in question has a giant sabre-tooth white tiger on the ass, please call hotel security. Some hotels have unattractive pidgeons. Not sure why I wrote that, but it seems arbitrary enough to stick. Couples, while in Hawaii, undoubtedly engage in hours (if not more) of missionary coitus. Some relish the missionary position so much they actually do it. . . drumroll. . . in a mission. On another note, we saw a hilarious toddler wearing swim trunks. Except his swim trunks were swim pants. Pictures to come.

Closing funny stuff: One way to pay for things while on vacation is credit card roullette. Essentially, the vendor in question takes the participants credit cards, shuffles them around (in a bag, pocket or otherwise) and picks a single card. The cardowner is then responsible for paying. This game is fun - very fun. It's gambling, but with everyday purchases. We initially planned on playing CC roullette for small purchases over $100. But now we play it wiht everything. Why is this funny? L. Dizzle (yours truly) managed to lose the first seven times in a row. This included multiple ABC Store purchases, bar tabs and a $180 dinner at Nobu. The count has since corrected, and is now 11 to six.

Stay tuned for the next posting, and thank you all for your thoughts, emails and calls - we miss you all very much!

"Happy as a Clam"?

Random thought of the day - What's with the expression "Happy as a clam"? Really? For years now (okay months) I've struggled to grasp the meaning behind this old saying. Full disclosure: I have nothing against clams - they're actually quite wonderful for a variety of reasons. However, I don't see how a clam has any reason to be "happy".

Did you know in October of '07 someone found a clam off the coast of Iceland that was discovered to be at least 405 years old? It was declared the world's oldest living animal! Even the mythical giant clams live for 100+ years. Maybe "Old as a clam" or "Wise as a clam" make more sense. Longevity has it's perks, but over the course of a century (or more), how much can that clam really experience? It's not like they travel, or meet other mollusks, or come up for air. It seems more like a interminable life sentence in solitary confinement - hardly the "happy" clam we've all envisioned.

I will admit I've encountered several clams that had a slightly curved mantle resembling a smile. But I couldn't help feeling sorry for the mollusk, pinned to a rock, getting sloshed by briny sea water for hundreds of years. We all know a smile is only skin (or shell) deep, so I'm hesitant to endorse an ancient expression based solely on a curve. Dolphins also seem to be smiling - are they happy too? Yes! They're beautiful, active and adventurous. . . and not pinned to a rock. "Happy as a dolphin" I say!

At the end of the day, the fate of "Happy as a clam" is undecided. Whether or not a clam is truly happy might be ancillary to the fact the saying gets the point across. When someone says, "He's happy as a clam," we all understand the intention. But here at Unhindered Thought, we try and shed a bit of light on things not often lighted. . .

Maiden Voyage

Similar to the champagne bottle's sudsy smash into the side of the Titanic, this inaugural post starts a voyage of two friends: K. Wizzle and L. Dizzle. Also like the Titanic, the voyage will be memorable, large, and unprecedented. The one difference is this voyage will not be doomed or meet catastrophe, but travel in unhindered perpetuity and adventure. All aboard. . . here's to us!